Tuesday, October 9, 2012


Do you ever think of yourself like that?
I do.
In all different parts of my life.
It happens usually all within the same 36 hrs.
I'll give you a for instance.

Wake up at 7:52. We are supposed to be leaving the house to take my Lil Man to Kindergarten at 7:55. BOOM.  Day starting off just grand.

So I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  I lazily put off making his lunch the night before (NOTE TO ALL MOMMIES WHO MAKE LUNCH: DO IT the night before...life is just easier this way...say NO, to the comfy couch or husband that allures you to turn in early) so I'm shoving in turkey, applesauce and who knows probably some frozen peas or sticks of butter. That's how nuts I was.  I rant and rave and yell (yes, I yell at my kids...BOO) a little. Herd the children into the car.  My three year old is crying because she forgot her shoes and is now getting her socks dirty. She is half way between the car and the house, but won't move in either direction.  I've already locked the door, but because we are tardy I know I'll have to walk in with all three children to sign him in late...she must have shoes.  I unlock and demand everyone back in the car.  I'm hurrying through the door with a baby on my hip who has a smelly diaper that I just DO NOT have any time to change at the moment.  We grab the ugliest pair of shoes my 3 yr old has because she has the great quality of losing exactly one shoe of every pair she owns.  GRRR.  Back in the car.  No one is buckled like I so politely asked.  I do my best version of "worse mom ever" impression and yell that they better be in their seats pronto.  Fasten crying baby into her seat. Make it to school...ten minutes late *that seemed like a miracle to me as I'd only been awake for oh...13 minutes.

He's off safe at school and I only got a few weird looks about my ratty ponytail of appearances and my crazy late brood.  But on the way home when the adrenaline should be waring down...I start to stress more.  Why the heck did I sleep in till 7:52?  What kind of mom does that? In my defense, my youngest babe is teething and getting up like twice during the night.  I don't even set an alarm because she usually wakes me up bright and early.  So duh, baby sleeps in of course mom is still asleep.  I mean I haven't actually had a full nights sleep since oh...before I even got pregnant.  Anywho... all this guilt came crashing down on me.  I decided to drown it all in a nice fountain Dr. Pepper.  Large, please!

This was just my morning.  Follow this with... Rushing home to get everyone more decent, feed baby as quick as I can before dropping off girls with a friend so I can go with my sis to her ultrasound for baby#3, Editing till my eyes bleed and therefore having to practically ignore my 3 year olds' pleads to play with her, having to rewash the laundry for the 2nd time because I keep forgetting to put in the dryer, not getting a real "nap time" to get stuff done because poor baby can't sleep with these monsters called teeth, realizing at 4:30 that I haven't laid out any meat for dinner and after eating the pizza we had delivered...I put everyone to bed at 7 pm.

This was all after I had just talked at a local MOPS group the day before about my passion for making and preserving sweet moments with my children.  EPIC GUILT...BIG FAT FAILURE.  All I can say is, it happens.  No matter, the planning or perspective building...it happens at some point for all of us.  That moment where in every area of our life, it looks like a big mess. Behind in laundry. Photo editing piling up. No preschool homeschooling yet again today.  Too many episodes of Curious George played in the afternoon just so I don't have to plan anything creative.  Because I'm done.  Done, I tell ya.  I know it when it happens.  For me, it's best for everyone not to fight it.  I have to survive the remainder of the day. Read some scripture.  Go to bed early *for me*.  Wake up surrendering my day and praising Him for how His mercies really are new each morning.  Push through yesterday's dirty dishes and move onto joy!

This was my Thursday this past week.  It happens every now and then.  Those moments where all the perfect storms collide and you feel like a BIG FAT FAILURE.  Well, when you inevitably find yourself in one of these "Will I make it to bed time?" moments, don't feel alone. Thankfully, there really is a God who carries us. I love the scripture of Isaiah 43 and the lyrics of this song...

When you pass through the water I will be with you,
And the waves they will not overtake you.
Do not fear for I have redeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.

Isaiah 43

I'm so glad we have a God who isn't TOO BIG FOR OUR LITTLE PROBLEMS.  Because I don't know about you but in the moment a "oh no, we are out of wipes" situation doesn't seem so little.  But it is when we step back.  Even though, I often feel so selfish and ridiculous to go to God with such petty everyday issues I should be able to handle, I know that is what He wants.  I am HIS. He wants me to come to Him with my daily trials just like He wants our BIG LIFE changing trials to be brought to HIM too. The good news is that He *unlike us* can handle them all.  I love this part of Isaiah 43

Thus says the Lord,
    who makes a way in the sea,
    a path in the mighty waters,
17 who brings forth chariot and horse,
    army and warrior;
they lie down, they cannot rise,
    they are extinguished, quenched like a wick:
18 “Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert.
20 The wild beasts will honor me,
    the jackals and the ostriches,
for I give water in the wilderness,
    rivers in the desert,
to give drink to my chosen people,
21     the people whom I formed for myself
that they might declare my praise. (vs. 16-21)

If you are like me and trying with all you have to live a life full of glory for Him, then find hope in this scripture.  He can take BIG FAT FAILURES and make them new so they might declare HIS praise.  

I don't know about you, but that is good news for a BIG FAT FAILURE like me. 
Praise Him. The Holy One of Israel.


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