My Fourth. My Last.

It's hard to describe how you can know something, but then be constantly surprised by it too.  For over 4 years, I've had a baby in the house.  So even though I know he's our last, I often think about "Well, the next baby, I'll do this or that. Then I am slapped in the face with reality (or my husband...haha) that this is it.  How can something you've dreamed and waited for, go by so quickly. I'm just not ready.  I guess you never are really ready.  Or so I've heard.  But it happens just like that and you feel like you are trying to hold off the inevitable sand coming down from an hour glass. 

The feeling worse than that is the one where because life is naturally busy and sometimes it's overwhelming, I'm not sure I've soaked it up enough. The plees from women with children long grown, keep me wondering if I'm treasuring this season like I should.  I shrink with guilt every time I hide in the bathroom for a few minutes, stay a little too long under my covers or find my self loosing my cool.  I'm so blessed and I know it.  But there are moments where I'm too overwhelmed, too caught up in the things that I'm not doing good enough. Tired from wiping things...counter tops, bottoms, spills and little noses. I don't want to just make it through the day. I want to soak up each moment, but it's impossible.  I have stop beating myself up and take note that, I do try to live each moment with them giving them all of me that I can.  

I do sit and hold him every spare second I get.  Though he hasn't gotten as many "arranged photo shoots", I still capture his cuteness, just on my iphone.  He does get books read to him, but usually it's shared with a sibling.  I dance with him and love to tickle his little legs until the trill of giggles undo me.  He's definitely the fourth.  Not as much of me to go around.  He's the last. What a great babe to end on. There couldn't be a sweeter, blue eyed boy I'd rather call my baby. 

 Can this really be him? 

I'm not sure I ever shared his birth announcement, so here it is. 

My one year old babe!

 He is such a handsome little guy. 

 I just had to add this one because I have to show the blue peepers. 

Man, they make this Mama swoon. 

 I'm glad the wagon still actually looks big here!  Maybe this is a picture I'll try to get each year.  

 I just love him in his little bow tie!

I used this for his birthday invitation. 

This was the 15 seconds that I was able to have him keep the party hat on! 

MY ONE YEAR OLD. 

Now I'm going to go cry in a corner!!!

I need you...

I was laying in bed this morning and I heard out of the stillness a wonderful transaction take place.  I'd already been up to get my son and husband off to school.  I was trying to soak up the silence as it's precious in this space.  I heard Evy get up to use the restroom.  Then I heard this small voice...."Evy?"she searched her room.  Evy answered, "Yes, I'm in here."  Livingston replied, "I need you."

Those three little words stole my heart. Those and the little voice pleading them.  You see I'm used to hearing those words and though they are sweet I can often feel overwhelmed from the many times I hear them each day.  So when she said them to her sister, I felt myself exhale.  Whew....I hadn't been needed at this moment.  I could still lay under my warm covers and pretend to be asleep.  That was nice.  But more than that, it was reminder that theirs is another love story written by the creator of love Himself.

Adoption is beautiful for so many reasons, but the sibling part of it has been one of my favorites that has unfolded. These girls were not born of the same womb, they do not share DNA and they look nothing a like.  But they are sisters. They share a family.  They share a special bond.  It's been a wonderful thing to watch.

I love to watch them pretend and create worlds together.  It's sweet to see them making memories that they'll laugh over many years from now.  They are actually practicing being adults, mothers and homekeepers.   I often have wondered what they would have been like without each other.  Their personalities are so grown and changed by the other. Evy definitely makes Liv braver and in return Evy has become a little more tender because of her sister.

Sisterhood is so sweet.  I should know, I have one of the best.  It's a best friend that never goes away.  I'm so glad these two will get to walk through life together and be apart of each other's adventures.