So The Man and I were on a date the other night and he teased me about only sharing the good about transitioning into parenthood on my blog. It made me question whether I was being real on here or not. I don't think I've purposely not been honest. You see I've for the most part always been a "half glass full" kind of gal. I believe that when I get on here to type out a post, I just think of the good moments. Don't get me wrong I get down here and there, but it usually passes quickly. I can't stay in a bad mood long. But because of this I might not be as vulnerable and share our experiences that could benefit others along the way.
So here goes the dirt of going from NO children to 2 all at once through the foster system. First I must admit (like I have to my close friends/family) that the first two weeks, I was sure we'd never survive. There was the normal (from what I hear) parenting issues: sleeping problems, being tired from chasing a one year old, potty accidents from our three year old and our home being turned upside down from our little tornadoes.
But then there were the things we were told about, trained for, but still was surprised/overwhelmed when they happened. We had major issues for our three year old getting used to us and our home. He missed his family and he missed his previous foster mom. He called us all mommy (g-ma, real mom, 1st foster mom, me) so it was very hard to communicate about how he was feeling. That was another thing, he could barely speak when he came to us. He wouldn't give you his binky (pacifier) and you could only understand every fifth word if you listened very carefully. Since he couldn't communicate he would just break down and have MAJOR fits. Oh the fits, they were horrible. He would curse (yes, out of the few words we could understand this one came out pretty clear) at us, kick and flail until we could only hold him tight to keep him from tearing up stuff or hurting himself. This is what we were told to do and it was really the only thing that worked. The "fight" eventually left him and we'd talk about what happened. But we faced these at least several times a day. I HATED them and HATED bear hugging him because I could tell he started to not want me to hold him just normally. And we were already having attachment issues so we needed to have times where we held and snuggled with him for fun.
Things started to calm down and get a little more normal after those first weeks. Slowly but surely we bonded with him and his fits slowed to a few a week. And now even farther between sometimes. Sadly, he has gotten used to not being with his family and the weekly visits. We are in love with him and he brings us such joy with every improvement. He now speaks in full sentences that you can mostly understand. He sings his ABC's and will spot letters on signs while we are driving in the car.
I would say the hardest things we face these days are normal behavioral stuff, a 16 mo. 's sassy attitude : ), visits with the family (or family not showing up for visits) and dealing with the what ifs in our future.
So there is the real ugly of it all. I didn't really get into how all this has been stressful on The Man and my relationship. Another post for another day. I guess the point is that we are surviving and really enjoying being parents! I can't imagine going through this or being a parent at all without the love/devotion from Christ. My sentence prayers of distress during stressful moments, quick peeks of scripture during nap times and years of walking with God have proven to be the only thing that helps me. I know He'll see us through these days and ones ahead, but He knows how hard sometimes it is being a foster/adoptive parent.
Since I'm a "glass half full" type of gal, I've got to end this post on things that have been amazing as being a mom:
* Seeing your children thrive and be able to do things for the first time.
* Feeling needed as they wait on you to finish dinner so their tummies can be full.
* Watching her run to me after she falls or gets her feelings hurt with her arms held high.
* Having him come to me after he's disobeyed to say sorry, hug me and make it right. (even if I have to remind him sometimes)
* Watching them enjoy the simplest things and getting soo excited over it!
* Hearing them play, giggle and chatter on while I'm busy in the other room.
* Reading books and singing songs together while I watch their eyes light up.
* Hearing good reports from his preschool teacher and how he's doing better every week!
* Feeling their little arms around me as they sit on my lap and ask to cuddle on the couch to watch football : )
* Being called Mamma after all the years of praying I'd be a mommy to someone one day.
God be the GLORY for me being a parent at all. I'm trusting Him for the rest of our story.
