Indebted

This past week has been such a blur. I'm just now starting to process it all. 

Sadly, I don't feel like I've taken much time during this Thanksgiving break to pause and adequately ponder all God has done.  We've been soo busy, on top of that the girls have been sick and so have I. 

So I've sat here for the past few hours just decompressing and relishing in God's goodness.

Thankful just didn't seem strong enough to fit. 

I looked up the definition and found a more appropriate 

Indebted.

For my salvation. The joy that greets me each morning through His spirit.  The warmth/comfort provided by our sweet home. The peace that steadies my heart during troubled moments. The photography business that provides us with extra money and gives me a creative outlet.  The family members that strengthen and uplift us. The small gifts of a fountain Dr. Pepper, a new pair of boots and Downtown Abbey on Netflix.  Friends that have stuck with us through thick and thin.  Then there is the picture above that represents all I hoped for life.... a man who is good deep down and loves me more than I thought possible. Three (all three mine) littles that bless me, need me and call me Mama. 

Indebted. 

So I'm doing all I can do.  Surrendering each day to Christ and living my life to glorify Him.

Our Forever Family

After 2 1/2 years, lots of laughter, hardships, tears  and moments of doubt that this would ever happen...

I'd like to introduce you to my family...all of them.

With, ahem....NO hearts! 

This picture makes me so full of joy!

 Livingston Ann, 9 mos.

 Evy Elizabeth, 3 years

Leland Scott, 6 years (in two days!)

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Feelings All Over the Place: Adoption Update

Today my emotions have been all over the place.  I've gotten teary eyed too many times to count this morning.  You see I've been extremely busy planning for a very special day tomorrow.  Two and half years ago I was meeting two of our amazing children for the first time.

I remember walking into a McDonald's nervous as I could be.  Scott was at work and was meeting me at home in a few hours.  As I opened the door to the play place, a fiesty little boy bounced right past me.  I still remember the way he looked back then. His big eyes all lit up and that infectous grin.  It's crazy to think he was 3 1/2 ...the same age his sister is now.  He was so excited to be playing and doing just about anything. I walked over to the table where the other foster mother and her two girls were.  There in the highchair was the sweetest little bundle.  I remember thinking she was soo tiny.  She was very serious and definitely examining me to see what she thought.  When I picked her up, she wrapped her teensy little legs around my waist like a little monkey.  It was so precious.  She didn't have much hair, but one little fountain on top sticking straight up.  I packed them up for our overnight visit and felt butterflies.  I had never been a mother before.  And here were these two precious children who had been through so much already.  Would I be good enough for them?  Would they grow to love me?  and the biggest question that plagued me that day and the 2 1/2 years to follow that one....Would they be forever ours?

Tomorrow at eleven, that question will be answered.  YES!!! After all the fears, anxieties and hardships in adopting our two oldest children....it's happening.  We are more than excited and overwhelmed with thankfulness to the Lord for this gift.  I sort of feel like I'm going into labor tomorrow.  There are so many feelings and emotions going through my head today.  I cannot wait to share out sweet little faces tomorrow without any of those stupid hearts over them.  I know you'll love them, just the same as us.

sink or swim

There are moments in this life where I believe everything is put to the test.  Let me explain. I know that I'm a light (a city on a hill) and publicly proclaim my faith often.  Anyways, I genuinely strive to follow Christ each day.  I do think we reach certain points that we find ourselves stretched to the limit.  It's then, that you come to the point on whether what you believe is really real to you.

So the above paragraph was written uh...about a week ago.  AGHHHH!!!!

Anyways.... back to sinking or swimming.  My point is lately, I've really been struggling.  I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.  Let me go ahead and preface this with the fact that I realize the upcoming list isn't all bad things.  I don't really want to complain...because well, where does that ever get us.  I think I'm just overwhelmed.  Pictures...Editing....Feeding children....Cleaning up children....Doing children's laundry....shopping so children have something to eat....Pictures... Editing.....Packing son's lunch box....Wiping children's booties....Pictures....Editing....Having meeting after meeting regarding our foster/adoption.....Sweeping floors....Trying to sell our house....Pictures...Editing....Holding sick baby...Wiping children's booties.....Being home by myself while husband catches up on grading...Shopping for holidays and birthdays....Pictures... Editing...Dealing with my kid's kindergarten behavior drama....nursing....stepping on legos...oh and did I mention I've taken and edited a 1,000 pictures lately.

So... I love so much of that list. My children are absolutely precious to me.  I would not trade them for one single solitary hour in a quiet bath (even though I've thought about it : )).  But seriously, I love giving all of me to them. My favorite past time is watching their eyes light up, seeing them flourish in their surroundings and reading them bedtime stories each night.

Another love: photography.  It's seriously so much of who I am.  I really think God created me to do this.  What a gift...to capture all that is precious to people.  Weddings, Families, Seniors, Babies...it's all beautiful to me.  I even like editing until my eyes bleed because I love the outcome of the work put in.

But here's the thing. Lately, I'm completely overwhelmed.  I fall asleep almost every night with my computer in my lap.  I cannot keep up with my ever energizing bunny of a 3 year old.  My son needs so much of me right now to help through this transition of big kid school. Livingston has been sicker the past few months than the first 6 mos. of her life and is ever so needy.  Don't even get me started on how I know my home, laundry and amazing husband could use my attention.  GRRR... do you ever wish there was more hours in a day or just more of you.  I totally relate.  I LOVE blogging and it gives me some sense of order to life.  I feel like it's a good brain dump for me honestly.  Keeps my heart thankful for all God's given me and my creative chaotic head some place to land different ideas/thoughts. I just have not had the time or heart to blog lately.

So this is my question.  Do you find yourself at a place where you can feel yourself starting to slip under the water and still hold onto what you believe?  Thankfully, I find myself treading water and all I know is I keep reaching for Him.  In the moments where I seem to stretched or when I just can't give anymore of myself away, I have this urge grow with in me.  It's the urge to muster as much strength as I can and push to the surface of the water to grab the only solid thing I can trust to save me.  It's Him.

This faith is not just a fairytale or something to look good on your "got my life together" resume. It's the only assurance we have.  It's our strength, hope and our only source of salvation.

Cling to Him, dear friends...whether you are happily swimming along or frantically about to sink.