sink or swim

There are moments in this life where I believe everything is put to the test.  Let me explain. I know that I'm a light (a city on a hill) and publicly proclaim my faith often.  Anyways, I genuinely strive to follow Christ each day.  I do think we reach certain points that we find ourselves stretched to the limit.  It's then, that you come to the point on whether what you believe is really real to you.

So the above paragraph was written uh...about a week ago.  AGHHHH!!!!

Anyways.... back to sinking or swimming.  My point is lately, I've really been struggling.  I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.  Let me go ahead and preface this with the fact that I realize the upcoming list isn't all bad things.  I don't really want to complain...because well, where does that ever get us.  I think I'm just overwhelmed.  Pictures...Editing....Feeding children....Cleaning up children....Doing children's laundry....shopping so children have something to eat....Pictures... Editing.....Packing son's lunch box....Wiping children's booties....Pictures....Editing....Having meeting after meeting regarding our foster/adoption.....Sweeping floors....Trying to sell our house....Pictures...Editing....Holding sick baby...Wiping children's booties.....Being home by myself while husband catches up on grading...Shopping for holidays and birthdays....Pictures... Editing...Dealing with my kid's kindergarten behavior drama....nursing....stepping on legos...oh and did I mention I've taken and edited a 1,000 pictures lately.

So... I love so much of that list. My children are absolutely precious to me.  I would not trade them for one single solitary hour in a quiet bath (even though I've thought about it : )).  But seriously, I love giving all of me to them. My favorite past time is watching their eyes light up, seeing them flourish in their surroundings and reading them bedtime stories each night.

Another love: photography.  It's seriously so much of who I am.  I really think God created me to do this.  What a gift...to capture all that is precious to people.  Weddings, Families, Seniors, Babies...it's all beautiful to me.  I even like editing until my eyes bleed because I love the outcome of the work put in.

But here's the thing. Lately, I'm completely overwhelmed.  I fall asleep almost every night with my computer in my lap.  I cannot keep up with my ever energizing bunny of a 3 year old.  My son needs so much of me right now to help through this transition of big kid school. Livingston has been sicker the past few months than the first 6 mos. of her life and is ever so needy.  Don't even get me started on how I know my home, laundry and amazing husband could use my attention.  GRRR... do you ever wish there was more hours in a day or just more of you.  I totally relate.  I LOVE blogging and it gives me some sense of order to life.  I feel like it's a good brain dump for me honestly.  Keeps my heart thankful for all God's given me and my creative chaotic head some place to land different ideas/thoughts. I just have not had the time or heart to blog lately.

So this is my question.  Do you find yourself at a place where you can feel yourself starting to slip under the water and still hold onto what you believe?  Thankfully, I find myself treading water and all I know is I keep reaching for Him.  In the moments where I seem to stretched or when I just can't give anymore of myself away, I have this urge grow with in me.  It's the urge to muster as much strength as I can and push to the surface of the water to grab the only solid thing I can trust to save me.  It's Him.

This faith is not just a fairytale or something to look good on your "got my life together" resume. It's the only assurance we have.  It's our strength, hope and our only source of salvation.

Cling to Him, dear friends...whether you are happily swimming along or frantically about to sink.