Wednesday, March 2, 2011

In like a lion, out like a lamb (i hope)

Nope, not talking about the weather.
Talking about my emotional state! : )
Everyone that knows me would say that I'm pretty easy going and usually happy.
While, I enjoy this about has just a few downfalls.
You are almost never allowed to be grumpy or have the occasional meltdown.
And feeling extremely guilty when you are this way.

Yesterday morning, March 1st, I had such an episode. It was ugly. Let me tell you there was anger, self-pity and lots of UGLY crying. It was just sin and that's the truth of it. This happens to me every now and then. My sin sneaks up on me and rears it's ugly head in a BIG way. You see because I'm easy going (most of the time), I let things roll off my back. If I get mad, it normally lasts less than a day. Sometimes, I want the feelings and anger to stay longer than they do. But I just can't keep the steam. The problem with this is things apparently gradually build up under the surface because I don't take them to the Lord.

We've had lots going on lately, as I've vented on here in previous posts. Renovations GONE WRONG, severe back pain then back surgery, the Man finishing school, having to put dog to sleep and add my two blessings who can really tire/frustrate this foster mommy.... and you've got one OVERWHELMED girl!

So I had my lion like roar for about oh a couple of hours (the worse of it was about thirty minutes, but I couldn't stop the tears). I was alone this day and had looked forward to some R & R and lots of fun me time. But God knew I needed something else. A cleanse of my doubts, burdens, sinful heart and giving it all back to the Him.

So I cried, a LOT (which really is pretty rare for me). Prayed some unrecognizable sentences, read God's Word several times while I was with myself and had some great talks with Godly friends.

I kept coming back to this verse in Psalm that is an old favorite.
"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12

It is actually EXACTLY the verse/prayer that I need. The JOY of the Lord is my strength, but lately that hasn't been so true. So prayerfully I'm going to see not only spring come lovely with it's bonnets and sun rays through March, but a rejuvenation of my spirit.


Here is my recent pictures:
Day 58: My sweet LITTLE cousin's 21st Birthday. WHAT? How can this be? She must have skipped a few years because I'm only 25, right?!?!?!
But in all seriousness, she is this brilliant, funny, Godly and gorgeous girl. I'm so proud of who she has become!
Day 59: Oh how I wish I could show you their precious little faces leaning against each other. They have the sweetest expressions! These are the pictures that make me stop and go...WOW, we have such BEAUTIFUL children. I'm not biased at all.
Day 60: Speaking of not being biased. We got to hang out with this little man for a few hours today. My adorable nephew, Fynn. Hasn't he gotten sooooooo BIG? Look at that grin. Trouble, ladies. That's all I'm going to say.
Day 61: God is GOOD and I am His...enough said.

Day 62: I forgot to take pictures during the day and well the kids were asleep. Scott was upstairs working and I know my friend Rach (who was over for our weekly tv/veg together night) would have killed me if I'd even thought of posting one of her on here. So I had to get, errr creative this evening. Pretty amazing, huh. You might be asking what is so special about a wall candle thingy and my window shears...... here is the story and I promise I'm done with this post marathon.

We bought these at Hob Lob just when we were getting our house ready during our engagement. They were rought iron and that was what we were going for. They looked cool and that was it. Fast forward at least one year later (maybe more...can't remember exact date). Sitting on the couch one night, I turned to Scott and told him to really look at the sconce things. I can't believe we bought owl sconces (do you see it) and never noticed. Good thing I like owls and they are semi "in" right now.


sarahe said...

I am so like you from what you described here and God has really been working on my heart lately. hugs and prayers!

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