Monday, August 27, 2012

a different dynamic

Today starts the first day of the third full week of school.
We've fallen into this new normal which to be honest I thought I'd hate.
My boys are both gone all day long.  I was used to Scott being gone all day, but then summer comes and totally romanticizes my life.  Then it ends and I get sad.
Very sad.
But I move on, thankful for so many days with all of us at home. And part of me welcomes a routine again because we totally live without one for months. Things get, but crazy.
So I buck up and start trying to get a schedule together for me and the kids while Scott has PD's before school actually starts.  But this year was different.  I got kicked in the gut about my little boy going to Kindergarten. All day long, without me.  Us without him.
I was sure I'd fall apart once I got back to my car.  But I didn't.
I survived.  And the next day I survived.  The girls and I fell into a rhythm.  I've been getting soo much done.  I was gasp, loving our days!  I remember the end of the first full week pulling up in the car riders line.  I saw one of the ladies nudge him on to go wait near this orange cone.  He looked so small next to the other (older) children and all of a sudden I was overwhelmed by this wave of guilt.
How could I enjoy my days without him filling up so many of the hours?

I know life moves on...his...mine.
But there is something that just seems wrong about this new season.
I'm sure just like middle school will seem wrong.
and their first date.
and graduation.
and moving them off to college.
and standing with them right before they walk into a church to promise the rest of their lives to another.
I know that will seem wrong.
I'm also sure my parents felt the same way.

We'll make it...together...through all these transitions. For now, I'm trying to be the best mom I can to him for the hours I have him and enjoying this different dynamic with my girls.
btw, i love instagram for moments like this! : )


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