This blog is my happy place...seriously, it is where I store most of my important loves (i.e. my Man, family, serving God, friends) and trivial loves (i.e. photography, home, crafting, decorating, cooking, reading, creating). But it's rarely a place I become super vulnerable. I've found the hard way in my real life (you know the one where I'm not just a url with a cute background, but actually have a head, body and breathe in & out) that you have to be careful who you share your heart too. Not just the fluffy, happy part of the heart...I'm talking about the interior guts. Your soul, heartache, insecurities, dreams, and even fears. Why would I ever worry about sharing these, even with like-minded Christians, you ask? Because sometime even the most like minded people hurt others. Most of the time, I'm pretty sure it's not even on purpose.
I have those few, AMAZING, friends that I could tell I peed my pants and stole an elephant from the local zoo...they would lovingly listen & not judge (they of course would speak truth to me though..."take that blame Elephant back!"). But there are just a few...like under ten! But several of them live faraway. Even though I still PRAISE GOD for their friendships, I've realized that I have to be vulnerable in my everyday life in which sadly they aren't always apart of. Only this presents the BIG problem...I don't feel comfortable in my crazy skin to let other women know I peed my pants and stole that elephant. I actually, cringe at the thought of having some amazing, put together woman look down at me from her perfectly decorated pedestal with her choir robe on telling me how I'm just not making the cut. You know the one...being an adult Christian woman who always has the holiest, spiritual word on her tongue, has the cleanest bathroom in America, never makes frozen pizza for her Man for dinner, and volunteers at at least 5 charities apart from her many leadership roles at church. Oh and she would NEVER lay on the couch at night watching tv instead of loading the dishwasher after dinner.
People, people....that is what I have to live up to? Right? Well, even though logic and well, the Bible says I do not, I still find myself feeling like I've failed. I think many times it is because I all too often run into the epitome of this very woman EVERYWHERE. She is at work, at church, on the blogs I read, at the grocery store...everywhere I tell you.
Now how can I be myself around women like that? Well, today I had yet again one of these "YOU ARE NOT MAKING THE CUT" moments...when I read this devotion. It was perfect, the Lord knew I needed someone to slap the tremering lip right off my face and calm the anxious/frustrated heart within me. I went on to look at Holley's personal blog, and it lead me to this verse...
"You make known to me the path of life; IN YOUR PRESENCE THERE IS FULLNESS OF JOY; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11
I HAVE to STOP using these perfect women (who obviously can't really be perfect, they have to stains on their dish towels, absently only apply makeup to one eye, and rewear the same pair of jeans for atleast 3 times....right? ) as my mirror. I'm NOT to look just like them, my Maker made me unique. I'm to find JOY in His presence....compare my image to His.
Now where is my eye make up! : )
I have those few, AMAZING, friends that I could tell I peed my pants and stole an elephant from the local zoo...they would lovingly listen & not judge (they of course would speak truth to me though..."take that blame Elephant back!"). But there are just a few...like under ten! But several of them live faraway. Even though I still PRAISE GOD for their friendships, I've realized that I have to be vulnerable in my everyday life in which sadly they aren't always apart of. Only this presents the BIG problem...I don't feel comfortable in my crazy skin to let other women know I peed my pants and stole that elephant. I actually, cringe at the thought of having some amazing, put together woman look down at me from her perfectly decorated pedestal with her choir robe on telling me how I'm just not making the cut. You know the one...being an adult Christian woman who always has the holiest, spiritual word on her tongue, has the cleanest bathroom in America, never makes frozen pizza for her Man for dinner, and volunteers at at least 5 charities apart from her many leadership roles at church. Oh and she would NEVER lay on the couch at night watching tv instead of loading the dishwasher after dinner.
People, people....that is what I have to live up to? Right? Well, even though logic and well, the Bible says I do not, I still find myself feeling like I've failed. I think many times it is because I all too often run into the epitome of this very woman EVERYWHERE. She is at work, at church, on the blogs I read, at the grocery store...everywhere I tell you.
Now how can I be myself around women like that? Well, today I had yet again one of these "YOU ARE NOT MAKING THE CUT" moments...when I read this devotion. It was perfect, the Lord knew I needed someone to slap the tremering lip right off my face and calm the anxious/frustrated heart within me. I went on to look at Holley's personal blog, and it lead me to this verse...
"You make known to me the path of life; IN YOUR PRESENCE THERE IS FULLNESS OF JOY; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11
I HAVE to STOP using these perfect women (who obviously can't really be perfect, they have to stains on their dish towels, absently only apply makeup to one eye, and rewear the same pair of jeans for atleast 3 times....right? ) as my mirror. I'm NOT to look just like them, my Maker made me unique. I'm to find JOY in His presence....compare my image to His.
Now where is my eye make up! : )
4 comments:
Amen Sister! No one is perfect, but HIM! I have to remind myself of that daily!!!! Just remember I Love you and miss you!
GIRRRRLLL! :) Oh how I love you & your crazy mess of vulnerability! This post just made me bawl my eyes out & realize how much 'one of your ten' misses you too!!!! Maybe it's the hormones, or...maybe its because I can't count how many times in a week I stop & wish our schedules & lives looked more alike these days so we could atleast *feel* closer. My poor little heart misses you so much, dear friend. I love you...and always will. Even if you do steal elephants & always mispronounce Bruscetta. ;) xoxo! Missing you Bebe!
This blog is well written. You incorporated your unique humor into a serious, sad, and vulnerable situation. Your post ministered to me and you are correct when you say Jesus should be your mirror. I love you so much!
One of the BEST blog posts I've ever read. I love you...and you really ministered to me, too, by your openness and heart for Jesus. I love you and miss you SOOO much!!
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