this love is the deep kind

 I can't believe it. Here I am, sitting on the other side of the wait. I waited for children for a couple years before. Then God led us to foster/adopt and we were blessed with two gorgeous children. I waited for 2 1/2 years for them to be ours. It was such a hard and long road.  Adoption is beautiful, but it's painful too.  I think Russell Moore was the one who said that "you have to remember that adoption always comes from loss."  Though the road was a hard one, I'd never go back to change it.  I'll be honest that there were moments during the frustrating behavior issues, massive bureaucratic red tape and the moments of emotional toll of loving children who have lost so much that I wanted to give up. I'm so glad I didn't. 

 This picture was taken on my first Mothers Day. 

I can't tell you the pride and joy I felt the entire day. 

This was worth the wait.

Because the nature of adopting through the foster system, we weren't allowed to publicly share pictures for the first 2 1/2 years.  I wanted to go back and share some of the beginning of us on this journey. 

We got the kids for trial overnight before actually accepting the placement. I knew that no matter what, these kids were meant to be with us for whatever time God allowed us to have them. I took off work that day to go pick them up at McD's from their previous foster mother. I spent the day with them and was just loving life. Scott got home just in time for me to leave to a training that I just couldn't miss at work.  My sister came to help him and she snapped these pictures of their first night with us. 

 This has to be my favorite picture. It so accurately describes our lives for those first few months.

Exhausted.

(apparently, in this picture...our sweet girl would not go to sleep and fought hard)

I cannot believe my baby was this little once. I still grieve the time I missed with him as a baby and most of his toddler years. He came to us at 3 1/2 and I often wonder what he looked like as a babe.

I try to not dwell on this, but think of all the days and moments we've had. And then all the ones ahead of us.

I'm pretty much in love with Mandi Mapes and several of her songs.  I just can't help but tear up every time I hear this one. People ask me often sense the birth of our third child, is it different. They want to know if I feel the same for all three of my children. The answer is no. I love and  connect with each of them in different ways. Honestly, I worried how I would feel while I was    pregnant. But once she came, I knew that they all share a piece of my heart.  

The biggest way to understand the love of an adoptive parent is to look at God. He loved us and choose us to be apart of His family. We were dirty, troubled and alone. Because of His great      love for us and the work accomplished by His Son at the cross, we were rescued. We are          co-heirs with Christ...adopted. 

Knowing this is what confirmed my calling long through the messy roles to figure out, the fearful nights of waiting and through my most trying moments as a mother. He did not leave me. EVER. I was HIS.  and just like that...They were MINE.

Below is a gruesome amount of pictures of babes that I've never been able to share. Enjoy and  really read the lyrics. They describe so much of the beauty of adoption.

I’ve never felt this way before
funny how you found you’re way to my door

and suddenly my prayers are coming true

and these arms are not letting go of you

this love this love is the deep kind 

you’re my baby, you’re my sunshine
and I’ll love you all of the time
I’ll hold your hand, be your biggest fan

our eyes are not quite the same shade

and your hair blows in the wind a different way 

but I am your mother and 
I love you just the same 
so I’ll take your hand honey 

and you can take my name

my heart has been redeemed,adopted 

and now I know my Father

this grace that I’ve received 
I want to show you
I want to show you

this love this love is the deep kind

it hangs on through the storm and the sunshine

I’ll hold your hand, be your biggest fanand I’ll love you all of the time

© 2010 Mandi Mapes

 this love is the deep kind