laughing at the days to come

The kids are napping. I'm trying to work on pictures of a beautiful family I was able to photograph a few weeks ago.  But I can't stop the thoughts running through my head.  My heart is pounding and I'm sick to my stomach.  Another bad diagnosis.  A friend's little boy.  It's been hours since I heard, but I still feel the numbness it brought.  I'm devastated that my prayer list is full of so much grief and tragedy.  When I logged on here to type, I realized it's been over a month since I've written.  Mainly because it's been a hard month.  A high school friend lost a battle to cancer and my previous mentor and friend lost their son due to a car accident. 21 months my friend fought... he was my age and had two young children.  My friend's son was 19 and driving home after finishing college exams.

I rock my babies a little longer. Hold their hands a little tighter. Kiss my husband more often. Try to appreciate this life and the people God has put in it.  I want to be like the woman in Proverbs and be able to laugh at the days to come, but I'm going to be honest when I say I do not always do that.  It's hard to not get discouraged and feel overwhelmed by those hurting around you.  That and the fears of what could be down the line for you or your loved ones.  Of course, this morning after hearing about my friend's little boy, I was quickly thinking of my own children.  Fearing what trials or hardships they might face in this life time.

But then that's it, right?!?!  They will face their share of pain and heartache.  They may never receive a diagnosis of cancer and we may never loose one of them to a car accident, but they will face troubles. So will we.  I was just talking to my friend whose daughter was diagnosed with cancer just a little over a year ago. We were saying that God is good.  He is.  It's the truth.  But when our heart doesn't believe it, we must repeat His word to ourselves over and over until we believe it as truth again.

If you know Jesus, cling to Him and His Word...it will heal you and teach you to laugh at what is to come. If you don't know Jesus, seek Him...repent and believe.

Thankful for this truth today,

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

This quote by John Piper echoes it best:
"She knows her Bible, and she knows her theology of the sovereignty of God, and she knows His promise that He will be with her and will help her and strengthen her no matter what. This is the deep, unshakable root of Christian womanhood.” John Piper

500th

 I feel deflated. This is my 500th post and I just don't feel inspired for a grand post.  I want it to be special.  I mean I know that this little blog is just something for me and it's rarely read by 20 of my sweet friends.  But it's something to me.  It makes me think of that quote from You've Got Mail...

The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something,but i jut wanted to say that all of these nothings have meant more to me than so many somethings -Kathleen Kelly, You've Got Mail

Because it is something special to me.  It's my little piece of earth...where I can come to and just release. I can vent, share creativity, sort through what my heart is feeling and leave a piece of me. 

So anyways, because this space is special to me and well, the 500th post of anything seems like something to celebrate... I will share some thank you's to this blog.

Living Life Creatively, 

Thank you for being here anytime of the day or night I can squeeze in some "me" time. I need somewhere to connect and boom...you are there.  It's 1 a.m. and everyone else is sleeping, I can log on here to share a little of me. 

When I look back through the posts over the past six years, I'm shocked about how many crucial "life" moments were hashed out right here.  My second (the real first post...the actual first one was just hello) post was right after we were engaged. We were just traveling, head over heals in love and sooo young. It totally takes me back to the feelings I had during that season. When I was anxious and struggling with longing for a baby. Through our foster/adoption process: our first night, when I wrote a letter to their birth mother on Mother's Day and processing it all right after our adoption was final. This place has been somewhere to showcase all the crafts and decor I've been trying out. When I looked back through the different pivotal moments in life  and how I handle change. From when we first bought our home and the post on how I've summarized the beautiful blessing that is our home. 

 I think the biggest thing it's done for me is capture and work through this season of mommyhood.  It's the hardest job I've ever had and I feel the weight of it's significance everyday. I want to do my best and also to remember all these "everyday" moments. I know they are going way too fast.

 So thank you, dear blog of mine. I'm pretty sure life would be messier, I'd loose perspective more often and I would forget how much fun it is to create if it wasn't for you.

You, are like an old friend. Every time I leave this space after emptying my heart, it does my soul good.

Another good thing to do after meeting such a milestone (especially around New Years) is to plan for the future. I found this list of what I want to do in 2014.  It helps me to have specifics to answer instead of one huge resolution. 

This Year...

A bad habit I'm going to break...

procrastinating laundry.

A new skill I'd like to learn...

sewing (the machine will not intimidate me any longer)

A person I hope to more like...

my Moma (specifically, more prepared and more giving)

A good deed I'm going to do...

this one was hard...I'm thinking of a few I'll have to come back to this.

A place I'd like to visit...

a beach, anywhere.

A book I'd like to read...

A Handmade Year, Jerusalem Greer

Seven, Jenn Hatmaker

Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis (I know...I can't believe I haven't read them yet either)

Hands Free Mama, Rachel Stafford

A letter I'm going to write...

2 things: bring Good Mail back with my besties and write more letters to my children

A new food I'd like to try:

nothing here?!?!?  maybe baking/cooking healthier

I'm going to do better at...

 starting less projects and completely everyone I start.

being a hands free mama...I don't want to overlook one moment of this.

 

be better at meal planning for my family.

memorize Scripture (thank you, Ann Voskamp for these cards & plan)

Thanks for sticking with me through this LONG post. 

Happy New Year and Happy 500th post!

I'm not ready to let go...

I'm up and very tired.  I could blame it on the baby, but that isn't the whole truth.

It has a lot to do with the panic rising up in my chest. 

I'm not ready to let go of this season.

Don't get me wrong. I'm so over standing in long shopping lines, rushing to bake several things all in 3 hrs, staying up too late wrapping and going non stop.

I'm done with those crazy parts of the holiday palooza that is November and December. 

But I'm not quite ready to let go of...

 watching the magic fill their eyes.

 cuddling up close for whole afternoons.

letting everyone enjoy more treats than we should.

having the Man home to play with our littles.

taking time to just enjoy the giggles and be silly.

being surrounded by so many quiet, sacred moments. 

the Christmas Carol karaoke we had in the car.

reasons to dress up and get out of my yoga pants and tshirts.

simply taking a break from reality to enjoy the simplest of life's goodness.

I'm revolting.

No one can leave the house tomorrow.

No work. No school. No appointments.

This is me in denial.

Praying for a snow day.

: )

God gives God

Christmas time is such a beautiful melody of memories and excitement for what's to come.

For many it's a nostalgic season that is sparked by the smells of baking, sights of colored, twinkling lights and the sounds of long ago carols wafting through the night. 

It's family and friends gathered together.  Reminiscing of Christmases past and making new memories laughing over the children's squeals. Just writing this brings a smile to my face thinking of the squeals we've heard just this year.

 It's the kids off of school enjoying their childhoods and the adults taking time from their usually busy schedules to enjoy the season.  Shopping in crowded stores for the perfect gifts, sipping hot chocolate from crammed backseats as you awe over the miles of Christmas lights and cuddled up in your living room reciting each line of you favorite holiday movie.

It's the anticipation for what's to come in the new year.  Fresh starts as clean as the white snow we all wish for this season.  Past regrets gone, hopes for the dreams of tomorrow start now.  It's an exhilarating time.  It's magical and dreamy.

Though I can't help but have my mind clouded with something else the last week.  This season can be extremely hard and rough on people.  There is heartache, devastated families and illness that loom over the magic of Christmas.  I have several friends that are struggling. Whether it be spending the first Christmas alone after a break up/divorce, depression, financial stresses or a family member's illness.  It can all seem too much, I'm sure.  

That's why we must realize our greatest gift of the season isn't one under the tree. 

Like a child, I wish I could run in Christmas morning to peek under the tree to find no more pain, freedom from fear or sin and especially no more death.

Though it's not under a tree where we find those things.... we can have them.

Maybe not just like we want.  We can't keep our loved one from having terminal cancer.  This gift won't pay off the debt that is overwhelming you. It won't even immediately clear up the crippling depression you are dealing with. 

But it does give us HOPE for a future home where there is no more pain, freedom from fear/sin and no more death. It also gives us peace like a warm blanket on a cold night to battle this hard life. It can give us a clean future and grace from our struggles.  Give us purpose and a compass to help us navigate our way while we are waiting for that new home.

Please over all the other expensive gifts and precious moments of this Christmas, take time to 

consider this gift. It's unlike any you'll ever have. 

This quote says it best,

“God gives God. That is the gift God always ultimately gives. Because nothing is greater and we have no greater need, God gives God. God gives God, and we only need to slow long enough to unwrap the greatest Gift with our time: time in His Word, time in His presence, time at His feet.”  

~ Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift


Merry Christmas, friends!
My heart and prayers are with the many families and friends who are hurting tonight.
May Christ be ever so near to us all.

Things that make me want to cuss

Let me go ahead and put a disclaimer up here...I love my children and would do anything for them gladly.  With that said, there are things that happen daily that make me want to cuss....

1.  After a long morning at church, out running errands or sitting for a while at preschool pick up line....there is nothing more frustrating than your one year old falling asleep on the way home.  You know that means there will be no nap time or shortened nap time.  No matter how loudly you sing It's Bitsy Spider, play peek-a-boo in the mirror or reach back to pull on their feet....those heavy eyes eventually give in.  Ugghh!

2. There is nothing like being up at 2 am for a feeding and deciding you'll die if you don't go downstairs to get a drink, to only step on a small toy.  Legos, barbie shoes and the thousands of tiny figurines/action figures can create more pain than childbirth.

3. You've managed your time well and gotten up early to get out the door a certain time.  Laid out clothes the night before, packed all the bags and even took a shower before bed....all to get delayed as you are walking out the door by a up the back explosion by the baby and a mega fit over what shoes to wear by your 4 year old.

4. Taking 4 children out to eat at a nice restaurant. Enough said.

5. The "witching hours" between 4-6 where you try to make dinner with crying in the background, a toddler tugging at your leg and trying to finish up homework with your 1st grader.  It's impossible...at least impossible to complete with a good attitude. Everyone is hungry. Everyone is grumpy.

Anyways, just a few things that really grate my nerves.  Would do them all everyday if it means I get to have these four little loves.  I would love to hear from y'all what really makes your eye to start twitching as a mom.  : )

What will they remember?

I have, as most of you out there, been hustling and bustling trying to squeeze as much holiday traditions into the few days of December. I'm always excitedly running about making plans or trying out a new idea to celebrate with the kids. Tonight as I watched my kids dancing around to the music resonating from the old Christmas record we put on, my mind wondered.  After a day full of all the good stuff childhoods are made of.... snow day off of school, sledding, hot cocoa drinking and taking in holiday movies, I wondered just what would they remember about Christmas?

I often stop and think of my own childhood. The many traditions unfolding in my memories through the years of joy and wonder.  I loved snow days and the chance to play all day without any borders on our time of fun.  It's amazing how many lines I can still quote from the movie White Christmas and other favorites. There's so much good stuff between plays at school, going to look at lights in our maroon old mini van, decorating our little tree for our room, shopping with Daddy for Moma's presents, the many holiday parties, Christmas Eve services at my Nanny's church and of course the excitement of Christmas morning.

All those memories don't contain my Mom yelling at us for not wanting to participate in the photo for our family card or her getting frustrated at the 4 year old for turning too many days over in the advent calendar. Or her being so busy making plans for us to "celebrate" together that she forgot to relax so we could just enjoy what we were doing. Now maybe my mother did do some of those things, but I don't remember them.  I think that is because even though she isn't perfect, that wasn't the tone of our holidays.  All I remember is how much she loved Christmas and the joy that she brought to us.  I can see her now standing at the kitchen sink working and singing...

O holy Child of Bethlehem, descend to us, we pray;
Cast out our sin, and enter in, be born in us today.

That is what I remember about her and about Christmas.  Joy over a Savior.  A peaceful home on quiet snowy evenings.  The thrill of the magic that filled most everyday of the month of December.  I think I remember it this way because of her.  Not because her hot cider was just perfect (though it was) or she got us all the right gifts.  I don't remember if we made it to every local holiday event.  There was no pinterest and list of crafts that we had to rush through.  I think I have such fond memories of Christmas because she enjoyed it...with us.

We often forget as mother's that we set the tone for homes.  Especially so during the holiday season.  If we are frazzled and frantic with all the to do's, then our children might catch on to our moods. My heart is always in the right place. I want them to enjoy this season and I want to share with them the treasure of Jesus.  Even if it seems like I'm cramming it every nook and cranny of our time. Over all the greatest of memories my mother gave me, the best was that of seeing Jesus every year.  Isn't that what I want... for them...for me.  Going back to the Christmas carol my mother used to sing and we all know, O Little Town of Bethleham's lyrics....


Cast out our sin, and enter in, be born in us today.

I'm going to try to relax and stop making soo many lists.  I will sit a little longer with my toddler and the plastic nativity scene. Peace will be in my heart and I will speak love through the different stressful events/busy moments over the next few weeks. When my children ask me to sing "Angels We Have Heard On High" for the hundredth time, I'll do it with a smile on my face.  Because I want their memories to be how their Mommy was full of joy as she would sing about how the heavens broke loose with praise over the newborn Messiah.

snow day...25 or so years ago.

1 year from FOREVER

I cannot believe it's already been a year since we adopted our babies. 

I feel like it's a special gift that our adoption date was during National Adoption Month (November).  I hope we and our children always raise awareness how God blessed our family through adoption.  

It's funny.  It took what seemed like forever for them to be officially ours.  We had them for 2 1/2 years before I could call them mine with assurance.  I will never forget his round little toddler face with mischievous grin.  Or her dark, serious eyes and how tiny she was.  

or how proud he was with any job we gave him

or how happy she was with our attention and praises focused on her

he was just a little boy who wanted to be loved

she was just a baby that wanted someone to take care of her....

You couldn't tie me up and keep me away from these two after the first day I met them.

I was in love.

And no matter how many people tried to protect me and convince me, I knew the truth.

They were mine. 

Happy ADOPTION day, Leland and Evy.

I'm so grateful to the Lord for you both and how He brought you into our family.

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

John 14:18