Saturday, March 31, 2012

Big Big/ Big Lil/ Lil Lil

I have three kids.

I know that I've had two of them for close to two years, but it just seems crazy.
It's like I woke up this morning looked at the three of them and realized what was happening.

I used to dream of the days when I would be mama.
Not playing dolls. Not babysitting. Not just being the aunt.
But I would be the Mama.
And those days are here and I'm afraid they are slipping through my ever tightening grip.

Here they are in the shirts my sister got for them...
They say Big Bro, Big Sis, and Lil Sis
And what really bothers me is that one in the middle there.
She was really my first baby.
When the kids came to us, "L" was just about out of the toddler stage. He was 3 and though he had these cute little chubby cheeks...he was no longer a baby.
But that little girl, there standing so tall. The one who nows demands pig tails, panties and all day long is protesting... "I do it my self!"
She was a baby when they put her in my arms.
She couldn't really talk, she was wobbling with her steps and I gave her a bottle as I rocked her to sleep every night. She was 11 months and was such a pudgy, lovable baby.

Now just look at her.
When I hold her now, those long legs hang down past my waist.
Yesterday, I went to get her up from nap and she was still half asleep.
I carried her into the living room and snuggled her on the couch. As I was doing this, I realized how rare it is these days. When I was pregnant I was too big and tired to carry her around like she used to want me to. And now I'm always busy holding/changing/feeding Liv and she is soo busy doing her own thing...that we rarely find that spot that we were constantly in just a few short years ago. I know I cannot reverse time or even slow it down. I also know every new stage and season brings it's own joy and sweetness.

But I do know that I treasured those few quiet moments that it was just her and I.
Her feet dangling against my thighs and her slow breaths on my neck.
She snuggled close and then would look up at me with those big brown eyes.
I just kept baby you'll always be.


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