Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Holy Hormones Batman

For whatever reason around about college, my hormones must have just leveled out.
I used to be a fairly emotional person. I would have a good cry when I really needed one. Teared up at a good sappy movie. And instead of getting angry and yelling, I usually cried.
But like I said, somewhere after college, I stopped being so emotional.

I hardly ever cry.
Seriously, I might tear up now and then, but not a big crier.
When I got pregnant, I expected the flood gates to open.
Scott said I was a little more emotional, but I still think I was pretty level for a pregnant lady.

But oh my, post pregnancy was my breaking point.

I definitely had a touch of the baby blues.
I cried over everything.

In the hospital, when I didn't feel myself and was extremely tired.
When I couldn't come home to be with my other babies.
Watching tv and seeing a commercial, could totally open the flood gates.

My most heart wrenching moments of being a mother of a newborn for the first time was last Friday. On Thursday I noticed that my baby girl only had two wet diapers the whole day. I knew this wasn't good. We had just been to the hospital to check her jaundice the day before. It came back ok so they wanted us to come in for a weight check.

They set us to come in at 1:30pm on Friday... 30 min. after a HUGE set of storms was supposed to hit our area. I didn't care what I had to get through as long as I could know my baby was ok. Scott's school let out early because of the possible threat of tornado (which was good since their school was hit pretty hard and had damage) so he got to go with me.

We'd already been in for one weight check (two days after getting out of the hospital) and she had gained 5 oz. I had felt pretty confident she was getting what she needed and thought we were on a roll. But then came Friday.

We drove through crazy winds and walked into the dark doctors office lobby (they just opened up from their lunch). We were the only patients there. First thing right off is when you weigh them and she had lost 2 oz. I was upset because it didn't make sense to me. She had been nursing better than ever. Then the doctor came in and talked to us. He was a little concerned with her limited wet diapers, but didn't want us to supplement just yet. He told me to feed her ever 2 hrs. during the day and every 3 hrs. at night. He also wanted us to come back in for a weight check the next morning. If her weight dropped any more he'd need to check her labs and worse case might have to put her in the hospital on fluids. I was just about to flip out when a nurse stuck her head in and said the tornado sirens were going off. They said we'd need to get down in the basement. I called my parents who were watching our other two while they napped to tell them to put them in our closet.

We get into the basement and I'm a little nervous with the storms and not being with all my kids. Then it's time for me to nurse and there is a few men down there so I move to a corner. Dust off a dirty chair and scoot over a few boxes to make room for us. I try to nurse her and nothing I could do would get her to wake up. I call Scott over and he tries to encourage me and help her wake up. I just start bawling....right there... in the basement of our pediatrician...with a possible tornado going on outside.

I couldn't get control. I just cried for like fifteen minutes until someone says we can leave. Thankfully, no one sees me and I dry it up for us to get to the car.

This is tough but I know a lot of it is my hormones.

Thankfully, the next morning she'd gained almost 3 oz. and we had another weight check on Tuesday. She'd gained 5 oz. then and he said we didn't need to come back until her 2 mo. appointment. Praise the Lord.

I feel like I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel a little leveled out emotionally. It's all worth it for this sweet baby girl....


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